
Couples: What to Expect
Couples: What to expect
Reconnecting with hope
When problems arise with the person you care most about, it's usual to feel disillusioned, isolated, scared or angry. When arguing seems to be the only way to communicate, and the problems too raw or too emotional to resolve, couples often begin to consider ending the relationship.
Alternatively, some couples may not be having a particularly fraught time, but they long for deeper intimacy or to reconnect with their partner.
Therapy can offer you a way of understanding your co-created patterns of relating. By exploring your individual and joint values, beliefs and opinions, you can gain more insight into how these impact your day-to-day relationship.
Better communication in itself can offer a sense of relief from recent problems and stuckness. Couples therapy offers you a space to explore your issues, where you will both have the opportunity to be truly heard and validated, deepening your intimate connection.
Couples often leave it too long before getting support. The average time couples struggle before seeking help is six years!
This means the conflict, anger and resentment is often deeply embedded by the time you arrive in the therapy room. When one partner suggests therapy, it might be a wise choice to seek help sooner rather than later and get the help your relationship deserves.
No therapist can bestow magic on your relationship or 'fix' the problems you're having. You will both need to be committed to making the necessary changes you want. That means making time for each other in the therapy sessions and also during the days in between.
How we'll work together
You may be married, living together, queer, gay, bi, or straight in monogamous or consensually non-monogamous relationship. What's important is having an accepting, safe and confidential space, where partners are equally considered.
I use Imago and Transactional Analysis techniques to support you in understanding how you and your partner relate to each other.
Couples sessions usually last for an hour or 90 minutes, meeting either weekly or fortnightly. We'll talk about this during our first session to make sure we can arrange a time that you can both commit to.
Does relationship therapy work?
Relationship therapy works best when each partner uses the space for self reflection to understand the part that they play in the relationship dynamic. It's easy to focus on what your partner is doing wrong, but a big question for you to consider is whether you are willing to reflect on the part you play in the problems you are both experiencing?
The outcome of therapy depends on your willingness to become curious about the world of the other. When you better understand where your partner is coming from then you're more likely to behave compassionately towards them.
When partners engage in this deeply connected way of seeing and respecting the other, relationships thrive.
Some common problems couples seek help with are:
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taking the relationship and one another for granted
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reconnection after a life change - children leaving home, birthday milestones, retirement etc.
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desire for a deeper loving connection and fulfillment
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infidelity
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stuckness, boredom, constant arguments and bickering
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loss of or differences in sex and intimacy
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conflict with parenting styles, issues with conceiving, IVF, and early years of parenting
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loss and death, unresolved grief
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unresolved childhood issues
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aggression and anger
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separation and divorce, particularly when children are involved